Breaking the Chain

I am currently attending a motor cycle rider’s course.  In the first class the instructor explained to us the concept that every accident is avoidable.  What he was saying was this: accidents are really based on a series of links in a chain, you break the chain, you can avoid accidents.  Some links in the chain are within our control, like taking care of yourself,  your equipment, and others we have little or no control over like bad or inattentive drivers.    His point was, if you can take the controllable bad links from the chain it gives you the ability to limit risk.  If you take the time to be in control of the controllable, like being attentive and aware, you can create space between yourself and others.

As I was riding to work today I was thinking that this really applies to all of life.  And in terms of my life it and where I am at, I could really see how this applies to parenting.  As I think back over my recent parenting failures, I think what links were in that Chain.  I was tired, we had issues with inconsistency, and I became angry.  I believe, we my son and I both, walked away frustrated and did not resolve the real issue.

So what are the links that are out of our control?  I believe work related stress can be an obstacle to my parenting success.  Depending on the ages of your children fatigue can be uncontrollable, but as our kids age we have more control over this area.  School issues, many times our children come home from school after a bad day and a conflict happens at home as well.   Our kids can be stressed out as well and as parents this can be outside of our control, and kids do not always have the skills to work past the stress yet.  I even let it get the better of me at times, I have should have lots more practice.

But there are many self care areas that we can choose to have control over.  Money, our personal finances, has a large impact in our home and marriages.  Time, are we giving ourselves enough time to rest? Did I have to stay up that late and watch a movie or should I have said no to that activity?  I realize that I am the worst driver when I am short on time; I bet it impacts our parenting as well.  Are we attentive?  I notice in my home many times large conflicts are the result of small issues that are not dealt with.  After school our children normally go and play with their friends, after homework and before supper.  They have to ask, and I almost always say yes… But, what do I do when they do not ask?  Even if I would have said, “yes”.   At the time it was not a big deal I would have said yes anyway, but then it gets to Saturday morning chores and they run off to go play without asking and now it is a conflict.  Are we being consistent, and giving real consequences?   Being consistent is like giving yourself space when you drive.  And giving real consequences is like taking care of preventive maintenance.  On a good day my bad driving may not matter, until I meet another careless driver.

What we learned in class was that we always are at risk for accidents, as we are always at risk of bad parenting moments.  What are we doing to manage the risks in your life?  When I ride a motor cycle, we were told that just taking care of one of those areas significantly reduces our risk.  What link do we need to learn to manage better in our own lives?  How can you better care for yourself so you can better care for your children?

Luke 6:42 (NIV)

 How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.